You know those moms. Those crazy fanatical soccer moms. The ones that want their kids to practice more. That want more strategy. That want the kids to be taught how to play hard. That want them to win. Those moms that talk smack to the coach (or maybe smack behind his back). I’m turning into the crazy mom.
Last year we belonged to a really competitive soccer league. At age 5 they didn’t keep score but they played by the rules and they had a goalie. By age 7, soccer was serious, we’re talking intense training and lots of strategic plays. I hate to brag, but my kids are good. They were the stars of the team. Marshall consistently scored a couple of goals each game and his team placed first in his division. Mikey was a really aggressive player and a good goalie.
This year, the league we belong to isn’t competitive. It falls into the category of “recreational”. At age 6 they don’t practice. There aren’t goalies. They don’t even teach them the rules. The kids are pointed in the direction of their goal and we all hope for the best. During the first game Mike stood in front of the small goalie and the coaches kept telling him to go play. He finally yelled, “I’m defending the goal! You forgot to make someone goalie.” By the end of the third game, Mike was tackling the ball and using his hands. He told us, “it’s okay, they don’t play by the rules here”.
Marshall’s team is a little better. They don’t have the intense strategy that we had last year. The kids aren’t playing as if there life depended on winning. It’s all fun and games out there. Everyone gets to play equal time and positions. It’s really, um, what’s the word I’m looking for, um, fair.
I keep talking to the other moms, trying to get someone on my side. Don’t they think we should be playing harder? Don’t they think it should be a little more competitive? Shouldn’t we practice more? Shouldn’t we be playing the good kids more? Isn’t that what sports are all about? winning.
I get a lot of strange looks. One mom flat out said she’d rather her kid get to play equal time than we win. Then I thought about it. I don’t have to worry about that. My kids are good. I don’t have to worry if they’ll get equal time. They will. And if they don’t. That’s a lesson in life. If you want to play on the field you need to practice hard. If you want to win, you need to play harder. I want them to push themselves to win. If they just want to play for fun, that’s fine. But I didn’t shell out $135 per kid to just have fun. They can play soccer at recess for that. Or they can play with their friends on Saturdays or after school.
I want them to learn to play hard. To give their team all they have and if that’s not good enough, to push themselves a little further. When they’re in the last quarter and there team is down, I don’t want them to think, “Well, we gave it our best shot.” I want them to want to win. I want them to try harder, to inspire their team mates to try harder. If they lose, then I want them to strive to do better. To practice harder so they can win at the next game.
I think when we take the competitiveness out of sports we lose the point of participating. We put our kids at a disadvantage. If everyone can play and everyone gets equal time we aren’t encouraging them to be the best that they can be. We’re giving them a sense of entitlement when they only have to participate to get a trophy. I think our world is full of too many people with a sense of undeserved entitlement.
I’ll just step down off of my little soap box and go over in the corner with all the other crazy soccer mom who wish that city league could be a little more competitive. 
I go back and forth between not wanting it to be competitive and wanting the chickies to learn about real life. So then, I don’t sign them up for anything.
(Do you see how I started that sentence with the word “so”? I accidentally commented with my alternate ID the other day- if you come over to my other home in bloggy land, you’ll see what I was talking about with all my ‘and’s and but’s and so’s’!)
I’m all with you on that Chanel. At Olivia’s school they have non-competitive Sports days, so that the kids who aren’t good at sports don’t feel left out and it drives me crazy!!! How on earth will she discover anything about the real world when she has to play fair all the time and not be competitive!!!!
Actually that doesn’t sound right!!! I do want her to play fair…..but in a competitive way!!! xx
I am so, so thrilled to find you again! Blogger kept directing me to a site that was no longer working…so finally, I googled you and went over the BlogHer where you had commented on a typepad blog and BAM–here you are!!! Yeah!
And, oh yes, I’m having to be a total soccer mom this fall! I don’t think I’m too good at it–as in, I never know what the score is, I’m not always clear on which goal we’re heading for, etc., etc. But I am getting some great pictures!!
Blessings!
Yeah, rec soccer will never be competitive. You’ll have to find a select team in the Spring to play at a higher level. But shoot me, I hate soccer…oh gawd sorry…but I do! Gasp!
Sorry babe, I’m still for equal time. I don’t think that the fat kid should pay his $135 to watch the other kids play soccer from the side line. Being on the team isn’t about getting to wear a uniform. There will always be good kids and bad kids. The goal isn’t to allow the good kids to play and tell the bad kids that they shouldn’t suck so much. The goal is to teach teamwork and part of that is playing with the cards you were dealt.
When they are managing a team of employees someday, I don’t think that they will say, “the boss gave you to me but you suck so go get coffee and try not to get in our way.” Teams are only successful if everyone feels like a contributing member. If you show up for practices and give it all you got on the field, you deserve to play every second of the game.
About winning. Yes, I think that we should keep score. Sports, like much of life, has winners and losers. Winning is great but the kids must learn to do it with grace. Losing sucks and they must learn even more grace in that. Someday when they get outbid on a project and they fly back to HQ in defeat, they will have to say, “Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you.”
Let’s not forget that youth sports are not about fast feet and high scores. It’s about something much more important.
I have three boys and face these issues multiple times a year, all year long. I have one phenom, one strong athlete and one not so gifted yet. My biggest complaint is when the rec leagues don’t keep score, or don’t show the kids the score until half-time. That isn’t preparing them for real life. I believe in teaching kids the rules of the game from the very beginning.
We need a club for us crazy moms that can be taken in at any given game on any given Saturday. Either a club, or a 12 step support group. The older the kids get and the older I get, the more vocal I seem to become, and it’s not usually for something positive. : )