invisible

There are some days that I wonder if I’m invisible or have possibly gone mute.

I wonder if I talk at a level to be heard by humans.  Maybe I talk at a decibel that only cats can hear.  My cat seems perfectly capable coming when I call him.  I can’t tell you the number of times today alone, I asked a kid to do something and they walked on by seeming to not even hear me.  Finally I just started asking them “Can you hear me talking? Am I mumbling?” Blank stares ensued.  Maybe I’m speaking a foreign language?  Swahili?

I walk around and bump into things to make sure that I’m not a ghost and do actually still possess matter.  When we were out shopping and I used the public restroom the automatic toilet didn’t flush when I got up.  I couldn’t get the automatic water and soap to start.  No amount of hand waving could get it to work. I tried the next sink.  Nothing.  I thought maybe their magic technology was broken.  But then a three-year-olds little hands shoved themselves under the faucet the water poured forth.  I stuck my hands under the automatic paper towel dispenser.  Nothing.  Why the heck does everything have to be automated?  Where are the push handles and turn cranks?  How would we wash our hands in a power outage?

I look around and wonder what I did all day?  Maybe I never really tackled my long list of things to do.  I thought I washed dishes but the sink is full again.  Did I really pick up the house?  because I still see the same toys on the ground, the same blocks scattered all over the house.  I could have sworn I just weeded the garden yesterday but it’s full of weeds.  I thought I finished the laundry, but the hamper is full.

Just at the moment when it all seems a little fruitless and definitely less than worthwhile, a little someone crawls up into my lap.  He puts his little fingers up to my face and whispers into my ear.  “I have something special to tell you”

I’m listening

I love you

He jumps off of my lap and bounds away, never knowing how much I needed that.

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