I distinctly remember a phone call when my twins where a few weeks old. This is pretty amazing when you think about the sleep deprivation I was experiencing at this point of my life. From about 30 weeks on in my pregnancy, I was experiencing such horrible carpel tunnel that I was probably only getting a few hours of sleep at a time. I remember looking forward to the birth of my babies so I could finally get a decent few hours of sleep. It’s rather comical what a pregnant mom thinks. At a few weeks post birth, I was probably averaging somewhere around 45 minutes at a time every few hours. I was still on singleton baby mentality. One baby would wake up, I’d change him, feed him, rock him, love on him and then put him to bed and lay down. As soon as I fell asleep the second little one would wake up. Repeat and repeat and repeat until you realize that there is a reason they use sleep deprivation to torture people.
Anyways, I distinctly remember my best friend calling to share the good news of a pregnancy. All of our kids are within a year of each other. We’ve never actually shared a pregnancy, which is why we probably kept having kids because we always got to hold an adorable baby and then wanted one of our own. For every kid I have, she has a little girl. Some people have all of the luck. (And from the week I’ve been having with my teenager, I’ll just say it’s me.)
Her: I’m going to have a baby!
Me: OH MY GOODNESS ARE YOU SURE?!?! Because this is miserable. I am so, so, sorry. Why did we not remember how miserable this was. Why did you not remind me? This is not fun. You know how you dream of all these bonding moments, breast feeding in the middle of the night, holding hands, looks of adoration? It’s all BS, these babies have no feelings they just want the boob and want you to change them. And the laundry they make and I’ve been defecated on no fewer than 8 times today. And it’s not just the babies who are needy, it’s all the other kids too. And quite frankly, at this point I have more invested in the other kids, so the guilt is unbearable. When I just want to take a nap, I find myself laying on the floor pretending to do a puzzle with my eyes closed because I know the four-year-old needs some mommy love. I am so exhausted. Infancy is hell. I sure hope we haven’t misinterpreted the data for toddlers. Because at this point, you should really reconsider getting pregnant. Like maybe adopt your baby to your worst enemy. Or at the very least give her to your sister for a the first few months. Win. Win. I am so sorry. You’re life is going to suck.
My poor best friend. She probably was not expecting that. I rained all over her parade and then invited Godzilla to come run through the soggy wet mess.
I remember this phone call every time someone gets pregnant. And then each month when I’m not.
Surprisingly, the memories of that torture haven’t diminished but they’ve been overshadowed with thousands of other memories so precious that all the sleep deprivation in the world couldn’t tarnish. Memories of late night nursings that do involve cuddling, sleeping infants with full bellies and sweet smiles, sloppy wet toddler kisses, the first coos, the first I love yous, spontaneous hugs and kisses, chubby little hands and fingers, the way a toddler walks, those moments when you are the funniest lady ever, infectious baby laughter. Those memories win out every time.
Let’s hope it’s that way with a puppy too.