you wouldn’t believe it

I have this looooong list of possible topics I should blog about.  I keep a little file on my laptop of the funny things my kids say and do.  It’s a list I don’t share on facebook, because I need to hold back some material if I ever decide to write a blog.  Every time I add something new I think about actually logging into wordpress and writing something and then more pressing things require my attention.

Things like repeatedly feeding the masses of hungry mouths that seem to be hungry the moment they leave the table.  I think I might start teaching my children to expand their culinary skills outside of pancakes, waffles, and quesadillas and scrambled eggs, and then I will stop cooking all together.

It’s also possible that the lure of cleaning my house and doing the monotonous job of laundry always pulls me away.  Never mind, no one would believe that.

Or maybe it’s the latest book I’m reading that is so much more enticing than actually putting finger to keyboard.  I started pinning the books I have read in 2012 on Pinterest.  Currently, I’ve read more than 60 books.   I had no idea that I read so much.  Before you get all jealous, you should go check out the list of books,  but be sure not to judge me too much.  I guess it was the year of zombies, vampires and smut.  I’d like to say that’s not typical, but obviously it is.

Without further ado, enjoy the hilarity.

We’re classy

We only have two rules for what you can wear for church.  (1) A shirt with a collar.  (2) No holes in your pants.

Sometimes, these rules lead to an exciting outfit combination. I know you love those black and gray plaid pants combined with the red and white shirt.  This was also paired with rain boats.  It was stellar at Sunday School.

***

For whatever reason, Boy Scout of America has decided that every registered person in scouts NEEDS a magazine.  Dave and I each get Scouting magazine and both Marshall and Michael get Boy’s Life.  They come bundled together in a shrink wrapped package monthly.  I disperse them throughout the house (aka in various bathrooms).  Personally, I never read them (it might have something to do with the 63 books I’ve read this year).  It turns out that I’m the only one in our family who does not.

McKayla:  Yes!  The new Boy’s Life magazine.  I love Boy’s Life.

Dave:  yeah, it’s a pretty good magazine.  Lots of girls read it.

McKayla:  I always read the “Scouts saving lives” section and then if the guy is cute I’ll go add him on Facebook.

***

Continuing on the scouting theme:

Marshall:  I’m really glad that I’m in scouts.

Me:  Me too.  Why are you glad?

Marshall:  They’re teaching me good life skills.  If I decide to be homeless I can totally pack a backpack full of all the necessary essentials.  Really, everything a homeless guy needs is right here on my back.

I’m not sure if Boy Scouts of America wants to go with the slogan, “Teaching Boys how to survive being homeless for over 100 years!”

***

McKayla:  Can I invite some people over this weekend.

Mike interjects:  Yes, as long as it’s less than 2.

(this still cracks me up.  We were all so surprised by his quick wit)

***

Recently Nathaniel and Jacob have started playing Lego Harry Potter on the xbox.  I don’t think they have any concept of the rules of the game, the object or how to actually win, but they have a great time doing it.  For those of you who don’t know, the XBOX Kinect has voice commands.  Theoretically, you can control the whole system with your voice.  I can browse the internet by saying, “XBOX BING ‘The Walking Dead'” and lots of movies and games will pop up at the sound of my voice.  We frequently browse and turn off our system with this method.

Nate:  Mommy!  Mommy!  Hurry come quick we can’t get off this level.

Me:  Who is the expert at Xbox?  Definitely not me.  (I was thinking he’d go to Marshall or Michael)

Nate: “oooooo  I have an idea!”  He runs into the other room. “XBOX!  GET US OUT OF THIS LEVEL”

***

Me (during some reading to the boys):  What are skills?

Jake:  I know!  They’re like bones, bones in your head.

Nate:  No, those are skulls.  It’s like nails.  They are long and twisty (he proceeds to turn in a circle) and you need a skill driver.

Maybe I should have their hearing checked.

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We’ve come a long way

Finally, finally, finally, It looks like Marshall is starting to enjoy boyscouts.  He was never a huge fan of cubscouts and I’m pretty sure he would quite boyscouts at any moment if we let him.  He’s not a huge fan of the outdoors or the water or bugs or animals or pretty much anything else that scouts do.

Recently though he’s let it slip that he is enjoying scouts more and more.

This week as he was getting ready to go to scout camp:

Marshall: “I think I’m going to sign up for every hiking trip this year.  I really like backpacking.”

Me (what I thought about saying):  What the heck are you talking about?!!??  Who are you and what have you done with my kid.

Me (what I really said):  That sounds like fun.

***

Me:  Are you going to be able to fit all of this stuff in your pack?

Marshall:  Ya.

Me:  Where are your clothes?

Marshall:  I don’t need any.  I’m gonna wear this. (motions to the clothes he’s wearing).

Me:  You know you’re going to be gone for a week.  That’s 7 days.

Marshall:  Okay.  I’ll bring a pair of underwear.

Me:  I am so glad I’m not going on this trip!

***

Me:  Do you have everything on the list (the two page list front and back which is supposed to fit inside a 60L backpack)

Marshall: I have everythign I need.  It says toilet paper, but I don’t need toilet paper.

Me:  I’m so glad I’m not going on this trip!

***

Marshall and I went to 5 thrift stores before 11AM looking for an extra pair of boyscout pants (because they cost $45) and a new scout shirt (because they cost $40) and a pair of water shoes (because Marshall will never wear them after this week).

We ended up finding a pair of pants $4, a brand new scout shirt $6, water shoes $5, a 1953 edition of a BSA scout book and a 1953 edition of the Patrol Leader’s handbook $6, another $10 of books (because how can you not resist a new-to-you book), an ice cream maker ball $4, an emergency whistle $1, a snazzy pair of orange crocs in Marshall’s size $4, and 2 dresses (for me) $10.

Me:  So which shoes are you taking?

Marshall:  Well, I was thinking about taking the water shoes because of the lake.  But I don’t like water shoes, so I was thinking of bringing the crocs because I like them and I could wear them to the shower.  And my hiking boots.  And maybe just my tennis shoes.

Me:  No clothes but 4 pairs of shoes…

Marshall:  Ya, I think I’d get laughed at if I bring four pairs of shoes.

Me:  I’m so glad I’m not going on this trip!

***

McKayla (to Dave):  Do you get cell service at the camp?

Dave:  I don’t know.  I’m guessing not.

McKayla:  What are you going to do there!!!

Dave:  Um, camp stuff.

McKayla:  I am so glad I’m not going!

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Going camping

Marshall left to go camping with the scouts on Friday morning.

It’s like someone cut off my right arm when he’s gone.

I have no one here to be my man power to help with my crazy ideas.  There isn’t anyone to shake their heads in disbelief as I walk around Home Depot trying to decide which drywall to purchase to make my chalkboard wall.  Their also isn’t anyone who will help me tip it into the cart and then get it to the car and shove it into the back of the minivan without complaining.  Hence, the drywall is still at Home Depot.

It is much quieter with this kid gone though.  He is constantly singing, humming, and all around making noise. I’m pretty sure this boy will either grow up to be a famous rapper (any other kind of musician is totally out of the question because unfortunately he was blessed with my wonderful lack of rhythm and being helplessly off key and out of tune, ALWAYS.  Yes, even my rendition of the ABC song is painful.

I’m pretty sure that the constant noise which seems to constantly spew from his mouth will be absent at camp.  Marshall was in charge of dinner for night 2.  While we are standing around they are talking about missing dinner for night 2.

Me:  Marshall, you should tell them you have dinner.

Marshall:  No, they know.  I signed up for it.

Me:  No, I don’t think they know you actually brought the food.

Marshall:  No, it’s fine.  They know.

Me:  Seriously, Marshall, they don’t know.  They’re talking about buying dinner. Tell them you have the spaghetti!

Marshall:  No.

Me (to the boy in charge):  Marshall has dinner.

Boy (to Marshall):  Dude!  Why didn’t you speak up during that hole conversation?!

The quite is a little bit unnerving though. It makes his absence so much more acute.  I’m sure he’s having a great time right now.  They’re probably telling scary stories in his tent while having a farting contest, or whatever disgusting thing tween boys like to do.  Or maybe he’s exhausted from hauling that massive pack around. Whatever he’s doing, I hope he knows how much we miss him here at home.

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