Just when you think the novelty may have worn off…

I distinctly remember a phone call when my twins where a few weeks old.  This is pretty amazing when you think about the sleep deprivation I was experiencing at this point of my life.  From about 30 weeks on in my pregnancy, I was experiencing such horrible carpel tunnel that I was probably only getting a few hours of sleep at a time.  I remember looking forward to the birth of my babies so I could finally get a decent few hours of sleep.  It’s rather comical what a pregnant mom thinks.  At a few weeks post birth, I was probably averaging somewhere around 45 minutes at a time every few hours.  I was still on singleton baby mentality.  One baby would wake up, I’d change him, feed him, rock him, love on him and then put him to bed and lay down.  As soon as I fell asleep the second little one would wake up.  Repeat and repeat and repeat until you realize that there is a reason they use sleep deprivation to torture people.

Anyways, I distinctly remember my best friend calling to share the good news of a pregnancy.  All of our kids are within a year of each other.  We’ve never actually shared a pregnancy, which is why we  probably kept having kids because we always got to hold an adorable baby and then wanted one of our own.  For every kid I have, she has a little girl.  Some people have all of the luck.  (And from the week I’ve been having with my teenager, I’ll just say it’s me.)

Her:  I’m going to have a baby!

Me:  OH MY GOODNESS ARE YOU SURE?!?!  Because this is miserable.  I am so, so, sorry.  Why did we not remember how miserable this was.  Why did you not remind me?  This is not fun.  You know how you dream of all these bonding moments, breast feeding in the middle of the night, holding hands, looks of adoration?  It’s all BS, these babies have no feelings they just want the boob and want you to change them.  And the laundry they make and I’ve been defecated on no fewer than 8 times today.  And it’s not just the babies who are needy, it’s all the other kids too.  And quite frankly, at this point I have more invested in the other kids, so the guilt is unbearable.  When I just want to take a nap, I find myself laying on the floor pretending to do a puzzle with my eyes closed because I know the four-year-old needs some mommy love.  I am so exhausted.  Infancy is hell.  I sure hope we haven’t misinterpreted the data for toddlers.  Because at this point, you should really reconsider getting pregnant.  Like maybe adopt your baby to your worst enemy.  Or at the very least give her to your sister for a the first few months.  Win.  Win.  I am so sorry.  You’re life is going to suck.

My poor best friend.  She probably was not expecting that.  I rained all over her parade and then invited Godzilla to come run through the soggy wet mess.

I remember this phone call every time someone gets pregnant.  And then each month when I’m not.

Surprisingly, the memories of that torture haven’t diminished but they’ve been overshadowed with thousands of other memories so precious that all the sleep deprivation in the world couldn’t tarnish.  Memories of late night nursings that do involve cuddling, sleeping infants with full bellies and sweet smiles, sloppy wet toddler kisses, the first coos, the first I love yous, spontaneous hugs and kisses, chubby little hands and fingers, the way a toddler walks,  those moments when you are the funniest lady ever, infectious baby laughter.  Those memories win out every time.

Let’s hope it’s that way with a puppy too.

 

Read Full Post »

Every morning

I have been trying hard to wake up at the crack of dawn with the teenager. It’s hard to get up at the crack of dawn when it seems that you’ve just fallen asleep.  It makes for a tired mama.  I have reverted to taking a nap a few times a week to compensate for the lack of sleep.  I am learning that I am treasuring the few minutes alone with her.  The tv and computer aren’t on to distract us.  No one is texting her because they are all busy getting ready for school.  There are no younger siblings demanding my attention.  It’s sweet uninterrupted small piece of the day we can share together.  I find that the days that I sleep in and miss her, I really do miss her.

Every morning Nathaniel stumbles into the main part of the house, rubs his eyes and in a sleepy voice says, “Good Morning.”  Usually this is followed by a dramatic run to the bathroom.  What makes me laugh is that he passes the bathroom to come say good morning.  This is also terribly contradictory to all of his other brothers whom I have to say good morning to about a dozen times before I am able to elicit an intelligible response.

He’s always the first to child to wake up on his own.  He is always in a sweet and chatty mood and hungry.  By the time the last person is up, he’s had second and third and fourth breakfast.  The whole time with a non-stop barrage of happy chatter.

Maybe, like me, he cherishes the moments of quiet and solitude in an otherwise noisy home.  Maybe, he enjoys the one on one attention with whoever else is up with him.  Or maybe, he’s figured out that the best jobs are had by the kid who wakes up first.  He gets to lick the beaters all to himself on the mornings I make muffins and breads.  He gets to help decide what breakfast will be if he’s early enough.  If he preemptively feeds the bunny and cat, it’s less likely I’ll force him to brave the chilly morning and feed the chickens.

While Nathaniel wakes up happy and cheerful first, Jacob could not be farther from the opposite.  He is definitely not a morning person.  More often than not, he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed.  I frequently tell him to go back and see if he can wake up on a better side of the bed.

Jake:  But I only have one side of the bed!

Me:  Then maybe you could lay on your bed upside down and try that!

He is also usually the last to awake.  It usually involves crying.  On the mornings that I find him in my bed, if I lovingly prod him, he will open his eyes and say, “I’m not ready to be up yet.  I just need to cuddle a little bit longer.”  I have learned that a minute of cuddling to fill up an empty love tank will prevent a terrible melt down later in the day.  On the busy days I will roll him closer to Dave and escape the bed like a ninja.  I have become rather adept at sneaking out of the middle of two boys.

Most mornings Jake stumbles out of his room, clutching both of his special blankies, rubbing his eyes and looks around.  Almost every morning he cries, “Am I last again!  Why do you start the morning without me!” He then demands that I stop whatever I’m doing and hug him some more.  It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing, he will wait patiently for me to pick him up and hold him for a minute.  If I’m in the restroom, he’ll wait by the door talking to me.

Jake:  I’m awake mama, can you hold me?

Me:  Jake, I’m in the restroom.  I don’t talk to children when I’m in the restroom.

Jake:  I know, but I’m awake.  Can you hold me?

I think what would make him happiest would be if he could spend all morning laying on my lap rocking back and forth.  In the inconvenient rush of the morning, I try to tell myself that this will only last so long.  He won’t want to be held by his mama forever.

Read Full Post »